May 21, 2024 –
“She’s injured! She’s injured; I’m not making fun of her but she’s injured and we need to get out of the way” the boy shouted about me to his six friends and the whole world around us… while still not fully stepping aside to let me pass.
I was in my wheelchair (I had saved up energy the day before for this trip) and my partner and I were just trying to make it to the store. I hated having so much unnecessary attention being drawn towards me, when they would have just quietly moved aside for anyone else walking. I wanted to be a little more invisible.
About 10 minutes later, we are in the store and I momentarily locked eyes with someone in an adjacent aisle who quickly stared at the ceiling and stepped directly in front of my path. I could only hope my (brakeless) chair wouldn’t skid or that inertia didn’t toss me into them. I swear I saw them cringe as they heard my wheels squeak, but they still insistently kept their face turned away from me… as if not making eye contact with me would absolve them if there was a collision. Why were they working so hard to make me invisible?
I left both situations frustrated for not saying anything. These were opposite issues, yet could both be boiled down to making me feel lesser-than due to my physical capabilities. Between these, and many other uncomfortable interactions, my brain was starting to amass a list of things I wish I could put on a pamphlet and hand to anyone giving me “that look” or no look at all:
– Stop staring but also please watch where you are going; – Look up “ambulatory wheelchair user” (you aren’t witnessing a miracle or a fraudster when I stand up); – That said, I’m not required to explain my illness to anyone who asks;
– No, your herbal teas etc. won’t fix me (I’ve likely already tried it too); – I’m not obligated to accept your help if I don’t want/need it; and – Please stop looking at my partner like he lost life’s lottery (I’m the light of his life).
But then, of course, there’s all those who honour my dignity. They give me the space I need without making a big show of it. They offer help when they think it’s needed and are not offended if I decline. If we don’t know each other, they might smile and nod and carry on with their day; or, they might ask me about my sweet ride because they know of someone who might benefit from a similar model (I’m always happy to help in that regard).
So, this shirt design is simultaneously a call-out for all those who stare too long and those who try to pretend we’re not there, and a shout-out to all the respectful people in between those extremes.
– Amy